Ava's Rough Morning

Yesterday started out rough for Ava and I.  I posted about it on Facebook for family and friends, but since I turn my blog into a book, my journal if you will, I want to share it here too.  This was my post:

Today was a rough morning. Ava did not want to get up and needed lots of extra snuggles and help to get ready for school. As I was buckling Ava into her car seat she was telling me she loved daddy, mommy, and babies. She seemed to be doing better when all of a sudden she began to cry again. This crying seemed really sad and not just from being tired. When I asked her what was wrong this is what she said:

"I want to have babies. Is my tummy broken? I want to be a big sister. Can we have a baby, so I can be a big sister?"

This just broke my heart. I took her out of her car seat, snuggled her, and cried too. We spent a few minutes just sitting in the back of our car crying and snuggling. After a couple minutes we both felt better and then we talked about her concerns. Ava is now at school and was happy when I said goodbye, but I feel sad that she has to experience this sadness. It is hard to go through the adoption process, but it is even harder watching Ava be sad because she wants to be a big sister. She would be an awesome big sister.

I'm think a lot of these emotions and thoughts are being stirred up because for the past month we have been going through the renewal process with our adoption agency.  Ava has watched us go through this process (finger printing, foster parent training, home visit) and we have always been open with her about her adoption.  I'm sure being 4 it is hard to understand everything and she is trying to make sense of it.

 I'm actually glad she is able to express her emotions, so we can talk about them.  I'm glad she has the desire to be a big sister and wants to have a sibling to love.  I'm glad she has the faith to pray for a baby to come to our family.  I'm glad I can snuggle her, listen, and help her feel better.  It was a tough morning, but the day ended nice and we got a chocolate milkshake after school to make us feel a little better.  I know what ever happens we will be ok and for now I am grateful to be the mom of such a wonderful little girl.