Butterflies

The week of Ava's birthday a special gift from Papa & Nonna Bowling arrived in the mail. It was a butterfly kit. It came with 10 butterfly eggs and a butterfly home. We were all excited for this gift and the opportunity to watch the butterflies life cycle. The eggs shortly hatched into caterpillars that ate and got bigger. After a week the caterpillars formed chrysalis. Then a couple weeks later the beautiful butterflies emerged. We kept the butterflies for a few weeks until it warmed up today. We have been feeding the butterflies fruit and sugar water. Ava has been helping Rich feed the butterflies each day.

Today we decided it was time to release them. The weather was perfect and they seemed ready. Ava opened the top of the home and a couple butterflies flew right out. It took a little longer and some help for the rest of them to leave their home. Ava did not want to touch the butterflies. She just enjoyed watching Rich and I help them find their way to the flowers in our backyard. The complete journey was a lot of fun to watch and a great learning experience.

ChrysalisAva using a little dropper to feed the butterflies sugar water.Ava releasing the butterflies. Right next to her head on the right side is a little orange blob that is a butterfly.

Rich trying to get Ava to put a butterfly on her hand.

Ava trying to blow on the butterfly on the orange to encourage it to fly off.

Ava watching a butterfly.

Rich putting one of the butterflies on the flowers in our peas.

Me holding a butterfly. They really liked to stay on our fingers.Rich holding a butterfly.

I Did It!

I have always wanted to cut my hair super short and finally I did it. I have had short hair in the past but this is the shortest it has ever been. It feels great! I think I like the way it looks, but I for sure love the way it feels. It is so light and easy. My hair has always been heavy and weighed me down. It is amazing how a haircut can change that and lighten my step.I had Rich and Ava come to my haircut for support and also so Ava wouldn't freak out when I came home looking like a different person. She was happy for me to get my haircut and said she wanted me to dye it green (that is my favorite color).Side and back view. My hairdresser did the whole haircut with a razor.

Rich put off getting his haircut, so our hair could be the same for a few days. My hair is just a little bit longer still.

Beautiful Day On The Trail

Uncle Bob the Tooth Doctor

Last Thursday we went to Gridley to see our dentist. Actually we have two dentists, Rich's dad and brother Bob. This time we saw Bob. The week leading up to this visit I tried to prepare Ava for her first exam. The last time we went to the office she wouldn't open her mouth for Papa. I was hoping she might let Uncle Bob take a look since he is "Ezra's daddy". Since we just talked about going to the doctor to make sure our bodies our healthy I continue down that path. I told Ava Uncle Bob is a tooth doctor and he needs to make sure her teeth are healthy and strong. She seemed to like this concept and was happy to go to the "tooth doctor".

Unfortunately, once we were there things changed. Ava was okay watching me get my teeth checked and clean. She was even eager to climb into the chair by herself and let Uncle Bob look at her teeth. Ava was okay until she saw the scraping tool. She did not want that tool in her mouth. Eventually, Ava let Bob look at her teeth with the mirror and paint them with fluoride, but only while sitting on my lap. Once it was over she was happy and we celebrated with a chocolate milkshake.

Ava is ready for Uncle Bob to look at her teeth. She has sunglasses on to help with the bright light. Too bad she didn't continue to smile when Bob brought out the tools.

Ezra is helping Ava celebrate with chocolate milkshakes.

Family Pictures

Last weekend we updated our family pictures. We had a friend take pictures of us along the bike trail. We decided to take pictures in the evening during the beautiful dusk lighting. It was beautiful outside, but very windy and cold. It was hard to take pictures and poor Ava was freezing by the time we were done. She was a real trooper and as a reward we took her to Baskin Robbins for a milkshake. Once we were there she said, "I need a milkshake and ice cream." Since she did a good job we decided to give in. We all shared a chocolate milkshake and a brownie Sunday. It was good and helped Ava to forget the picture taking experience.

Ava wrapped up in daddy's jacket and Nonna Carole giving Ava a M&M to keep her happy.

Imagination

The past week Ava has brought home some imaginary friends. It all started a few weeks ago when she started talking about Buddy the horse. She used her small stepping stool as Buddy. This week she has been spending time with Cinderella, "Twinker Bell" (AKA-Tinker Bell), and the Seven Dwarfs. A few nights Cinderella and Tinker Bell helped Ava fall asleep and once they made her feel better after a big, crying, fit. The Seven Dwarfs have just been hanging out and watched a movie with Ava. A few days they all joined us for lunch.

It has been so much fun watching and hearing Ava's imagination grow. She makes her friends food, plays with them, and even had me help some of the dwarfs go to the bathroom. It has been pretty amusing and exciting waiting to see what Ava will do next with her friends. It has also been fun playing along and using my imagination too.

This is Ava watching a movie with the Seven Dwarfs. You might not see them, but Ava assured me they were sitting right next to her.

Popcorn Popping

With this recent spurt of warm weather our apricot and peach trees have started to bloom. Hopefully the upcoming cold weather will not ruin our harvest during the summer.
I especially like this picture.

Pea Blossom

Bee on our broccoli.

Most things are alive in our garden except this rotting pumpkin. We are hoping to get a few plants that sprout from the seeds. That is usually how we get our pumpkins each year.

Eli's Birthday

Last Sunday we went to Gridley to help celebrate Eli's 2nd birthday.

I love this picture of Eli opening his gifts. He is trying so hard.
All the cousins enjoyed watching Eli and wanted to help out.

Eli was excited about his ring pops.

Enjoying a ring pop.

Eli was nice enough to share with Ezra.

Ava used her camera to take some pictures of Eli opening gifts.

Blowing out candles.Yum, frosting.Ava wanted to sit by Papa because she loves him...and he was scooping ice cream.

Learning to Follow God's Plan for Me

Several months ago I submitted an article to the Ensign magazine. I have not heard back, so I guess they didn't want it. I'm sharing it now because it was therapeutic for me to write it then and continues to help me as I reread it now.

Learning to Follow God’s Plan for Me

I have always been the kind of person that likes to have a plan. I make lists, keep calendars, and map out my future. As a young adult I wanted to finish college, get married, and start a family. When I married my husband everything seemed to be on track. We were both attending BYU and had two more years left. We decided to wait to start our family because it was important to me to finish school first. We thought we had it all figured out and knew how our lives would go.

After finishing school we moved back home to California and began the next phase of our plan. My husband decided he wanted to pursue a career in the medical field as a Physician Assistant (P.A.) and I planned to support him. Together we decided he would be the main bread winner in our family and I would stay home with our children. We were excited about our future and worked together to make our plans and dreams come true.

When my husband was accepted into the P.A. program at UC Davis we were delighted and grateful for this opportunity. We knew Heavenly Father was guiding and leading us. Even though I struggled to find a steady job we felt we were where we were supposed to be. After some struggling and a lot of prayer a job opportunity presented itself and we were blessed once more.

During the next 2 years we worked hard. My husband focused on school and I focused on working to provide for our little family. We supported and encouraged each other looking forward to the day my husband would graduate and things would calm down. We did not have any children at this time and were longing to add to our family. I did not worry too much and figured once our lives were “normal” it would happen. According to me our lives were still on track and everything was going according to my plan.

When it came time for my husband to graduate it was a day of joy and celebration. I still remember feeling proud of his accomplishment and relieved that those two years were done. I looked forward to our future and having children. I thought things would be easier. We would have less stress and there would be nothing in the way of us adding to our family. I was excited to be a mom and that is where my focus settled.

My husband found a job, we moved, and began organizing our home. By this time we had been married 6 years. Most people still thought we were newlyweds because we had no children. It was hard to explain to people (mainly members of the church) that it just hasn’t happened for us. I wanted so desperately to be a mom, but that blessing just hadn’t come yet. I was sad and a little frustrated. I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong to have this blessing withheld from me. It was difficult to accept my plans, my dreams, were not working out and no matter what I did or changed it did not change the situation.

As time went on my husband and I decided to try to adopt through LDS Family Services. We started the process and figured it would be easy. I did not anticipate what we would go through or the challenges we would face. It was not easy. We suffered through different trials and heartbreaks. I did not feel in control and felt completely out of control on the inside. My emotions were fragile and I spent a lot of time praying and attending the temple to find strength.

It was during one of my visit to the temple I had a revelation that changed my attitude and life for the better. As I was sitting in the celestial room in the Sacramento Temple a talk entitled, Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer¹, by Elder Richard G. Scott came to mind. I remember him quoting D&C 88:64, “Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you.” The part that stuck out to me and was repeated in my mind were the words, “expedient for you.” As I sat in the temple tears came to my eyes and I felt the peace of the comforter, the Holy Ghost. I knew my life was not off track. I knew I had not failed and that Heavenly Father had a plan for me.

Later when I was at home I reread the talk by Elder Scott. As I read, several more passages touched my heart. First, he counseled us to think about how we pray and altering it if necessary. Elder Scott said, “Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you.”² At that moment I realized I needed to change my attitude and prayers. I had been praying to be blessed with a child, but what if that was not Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about this. I decided to live His plan for me whatever that may bring. I decided to focus on temple work and service. I changed my attitude by thinking of the positive aspects of my life. I also decided if I was not blessed with children I would prepare to serve church missions with my husband. By looking at my life in a different way and focusing on what Heavenly Father wanted me to do I became happier. It still was not an easy road, but I felt my burdens were lighter.

The second passage that touched me is a quote from President David O. McKay, “It is true that the answers to our prayers may not always come as direct at the time, nor in the manner, we anticipate; but they do come, and at a time and in a manner best for the interests of him who offers supplication.”³ This quote taught me a great lesson. I realized Heavenly Father hears my prayers and He does answer them. It might not be the answer I want, but Heavenly Father knows what is right for me. At this moment I learned to rely on and trust my Heavenly Father more than ever before. By reading and studying these words my heart was softened and my faith grew.

The next few years were not easy. I still hoped to have children, but through prayer and temple attendance I was learning to follow God’s plan for me. When times were especially difficult I would reread Elder Scott’s talk, pray, and sing (in my head) the primary song “I Will Follow God’s Plan.”⁴ Doing this gave me strength, peace, and the desire to seek and follow God’s plan. This is what I needed when we were hit with the biggest trial and heartbreak yet.

After waiting to adopt for about 2 ½ years we were chosen by a birth mother and thought we would shortly become parents. When the week of the baby’s due date arrived I was excited and anxious. Then we received a devastating phone call informing us the birth mother had changed her mind. I felt like my world had come to an end. I didn’t know what to do and was lost. All I could do was pray. I prayed throughout the day for a couple weeks. It is the only thing that kept me going.

Then one day about two weeks after this heartbreak I felt the impression to contact our social worker. I talked to my husband about it and he agreed. We both felt impressed that we needed to make ourselves available for adoption, so we wouldn’t miss an opportunity. When I called our worker he was happy about our decision because another birth mother wanted to talk with us. I was surprised, scared, and a little reluctant. I used the counsel and direction from Elder Scott’s talk to have faith in Heavenly Father’s plan and allow Him to guide me. As we got to know this new birth mother things were different. I was still scared, but I also felt a sense of peace and that this was right.

When our birth mother told us she wanted us to be the parents of her baby the first thought I had was, “not again.” I felt nervous, scared, and unsure if I could go through another painful loss. After some careful prayer and consideration my fears were calmed and I knew this was right. As we waited for our baby girl to be born I still had the memory and pain of the previous experience in the back of my mind. Whenever that began to happen I would pray and it would disappear. It was not easy waiting, but I knew this was Heavenly Father’s plan for me and I had faith that it would work out.

After 6 months of waiting our beautiful baby girl was born. We were fortunate enough to be at the hospital and witness her birth. Holding her for the first time was wonderful and I was filled with so much love. Looking at her I knew she was my daughter and I could not wait to take her home and be sealed to her in the temple.

Now that I am a mother of a wonderful 2 ½ year old I see things differently. I can see Heavenly Father’s guiding hand in my life. I now know the first child we did not have was not really ours. It was a hard fact to face but looking back I can see how Heavenly Father tried to tell me that. I never felt at peace during that time and felt something was not right, but I ignored the feeling because I wanted to be a mom. I know that Heavenly Father guided my daughter, Ava, to my husband and me. I know she was meant to be my daughter and I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows what I need even when I don’t. I am grateful for all these experiences I have had, good or bad, because they have strengthened my testimony and helped me to have faith in Heavenly Father’s plan for me.

Note

1. Richard G. Scott, “Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007.

2. Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May 2007.

3. Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May 2007.

4. Children’s Songbook, 164.

It's Not Getting Easier

In March we will have waited 2 years to adopt...again (last time we waited almost 3 years). It is not getting any easier and actually continues to get harder. We have to update our status which involves a lot of tedious work and money. We do not look forward to doing all these things, but know it is just part of the process. In the next few weeks we have to complete our home check, fingerprints, foster care reading hours, and make sure our CPR/first aid is up-to-date. Oh yeah and then there is the annual fee. Just thinking about it stresses me out and overwhelms me.

The paperwork isn't the only thing to cause stress. Each time the year mark roles around I begin to doubt myself and question am I good enough. It is hard to explain unless you have gone through the process, but I feel like I am selling myself and need to be perfect. I worry about what I look like, my age, my clothes, and being fun. I analyze every part of my life and it can really drag me down. I wonder what birth parents want and can I be it. It is a difficult time and something I have to work through each year we wait.

The good news is even though I struggle and have dark days I know it will all be okay. I know there are trials in life and I have had my share, but I also know I am not alone. In times like these I use my testimony and faith in Christ to sustain me. I pray, read scriptures, and find peace at the temple. Sometimes I am just going through the motions, but it keeps me going and gets me through the hard days.

I also look to my family for love and joy. Ava reminds me each day how blessed I am and reminds me that I survived the waiting game once before. I know Ava was meant to be my daughter and all that I went through before testifies that to me. It was not easy, but it was worth it and I gained so much. As I go forward now I have to remember the past and look to the future with hope and faith "that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:7).

Talks and Quotes that keep me going:
-Barbara Thompson, Personal Revelation and Testimony, General Conference October 2011- "In the book Daughters in My Kingdom, we read about Sister Hedwig Biereichel, a woman in Germany who suffered much sorrow and deprivation during World War II. Because of her love and charitable nature, and even in her own great need, she willingly shared her food with starving prisoners of war. Later, when asked how she was able to “keep a testimony during all [those] trials,” she replied in effect, “I didn’t keep a testimony through those times—the testimony kept me.”

-Elder Holland, An High Priest of Good Things to Come, General Conference October 1999- "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."

-Elder Hale, Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done, General Conference October 2011

One Last Drive

On Friday, February 10, 2012 my dad drove his bus for the last time. He is now unofficially retired. He has 7 weeks of vacation time and then he will be officially retired. It was an exciting day for the family and especially my dad. We went down to Oakland to ride his last run and then celebrated with a work party the other drivers had for him.

We stayed the night at my parents' and then got up early Friday to get ready. We rode the Bart train to Oakland and then met my dad's bus at the Bart station. We rode on the bus through Oakland and then were met at his last stop with people from his company with balloons. They decided to surprise him and had another driver ready to take the bus in. The last little bit of our ride my dad was chauffeured into the yard. He was surprised, happy, and ready to start his retirement.

Ava and Nonna riding on the Bart train. Ava thought it was loud.

Papa Harry pulling into the Bart station.

Ava getting ready to help Papa drive.

We're ready for our ride.Papa, Nonna, and Ava heading to the party.

"Just Wait And See"

The other night while I was putting Ava to bed she was very chatty. As we were snuggling I was half asleep and she was wide awake. She was telling me a story while pointing up at the ceiling. I struggled to understand her because she seemed to be speaking her own language. Then she came to apart that I could understand. This was our conversation:

Ava said, "I was up there. Then I came down in Kim's tummy. And then I came to mommy and daddy."

My response was, "Yes you did Ava and we are so happy to have you." Then I asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Ava said, "Just wait and see. Just wait and see daddy."


In a related story:
Ava has also told us she will have a sister after she is baptized. That won't happen for another 5 years until after she is 8 years old.


Both of these stories intrigue us and have us wondering what does Ava know that we don't. I guess we will have to "just wait and see" what Heavenly Father has planned for us. What ever it might be we are grateful to be the parents of such a sweet and loving little girl.

"Did I Make A Big Mess?"

Tonight as Ava was undressing for her bath I heard the sound of running water, but I realized the water was already off. I looked down to see Ava peeing on the bathmat. She wouldn't stop, so I did what I had to do. That's right, I caught some of the pee-pee in my hand and dumped it in the toilet. Then Ava looked up at me and while smiling said, "Did I make a big mess?". I responded, "Yes you did Ava. Now get in the bath."

Storytelling

Recently, there has been a lot of storytelling happening in our house. It all started because Ava was afraid of being poohed on by birds. A few weeks ago our car was covered in bird pooh and Ava thought the same thing would happen to her when we were outside. It was funny, but she was seriously concerned a bird would pooh on her. To help calm this fear I told her a story about a time Rich got poohed on when we were at the zoo. I told her it was okay because he just washed it off. Ava thought the story was funny and has been repeating it over and over.

Now, Ava has been asking us to tell stories about when we were little. Rich is a fabulous storyteller, so Ava has been asking to hear his stories over and over. I'm not as good, so I don't get ask as often to share my stories. It is so much fun to sit around and share our childhood with Ava and see her get excited about it. My favorite part is listening to her retell our stories in her own words. These are definitely days I will remember.

By the way, Ava's favorite story is when Rich lost his two front teeth when he was only two. She will ask to hear the "Aunt Sherrie story." If you don't know the story ask Rich or better yet ask Ava to tell it to you.

Arts & Crafts

Lately, I've been encouraging Ava to explore her creative side by doing more arts and crafts. She is also improving her fine motor skills. We have been having a lot of fun together.

Ava and I cutting out a snowman.

She is getting better with scissors, but I still need to help her.

Ava coloring her snowman. Ava loves to trace around her hand.

I love the snowman's face. Ava made him really happy.

I found this great idea for vegetable art in Family Fun magazine. In the magazine they used celery, but we expanded the idea. We used celery, bok choy, & lettuce. Basically you cut off the leaves or stalks and use the base to paint with. They used it to make beautiful flower cards.
If you want to check out the article click here.

By the end Ava had painted one of her hands yellow. She thought it was funny.

Here are the finished products. The top 2 pictures are Rich's. Mine is on the bottom left and Ava's is on the bottom right.